It's OK Not To Be OK

I heard God whisper the other day, “So, how is your soul?” Almost instantaneously, tears burst to my eyes. What in the world was that about? I had to stop and ponder, so how is my soul? 

My first answer was, “Not so good” then as I thought about it more, I thought the best answer would be unsettled. Like the rest of the world, my life does not look anything like it did six months ago, and life over the last six months did not go anything like I had planned. 

This was a big year for the Muehlbauers - retirement, job changes, graduation, big birthdays and anniversaries, trips planned, concerts to see so much FUN to be had THEN COVID happened; and just like the rest of the world, all of that came to a screeching halt. As I thought about it, those are all superficial things. What was unsettling was much deeper.

First, my spiritual rhythms were disrupted. I went from being the only one in the house at certain times to many people in the house, which rearranged my spiritual rhythms. It’s six months later, and I still haven’t settled into anything completely comfortable.

I really try to love people. Of course, I fail miserably at times, but I still try. I even try to love those that are rude and mean. I try to give them the same grace God gives me and realize I'm probably just the one who gets the shrapnel of their anger. So, going from always in a group and around people to socially isolated, my soul suffered. 

Going to church, Bible study, small groups, Sunday night student gatherings - all of my main social gatherings that fed me spiritually either stopped or went online, and my soul suffered.

Lastly, just flip on the news (no, don’t do that - that’s a bad idea) and you’ll see political unrest, social injustice, environmental destruction, and health crises. It’s a nightmare, and my soul suffers.

Thank goodness, I serve a God who helps me recognize when my soul is suffering. Honestly, I haven’t conquered it yet, and I don’t think I’m the one that’s supposed to conquer it. I think I’m supposed to notice it and turn to God and tell him, “My soul is suffering; please help me.”

I did that, and he has helped me. God has given me some beautiful moments to show me he notices the suffering. He’s given me so many one-on-one opportunities, like horseback rides, walks, coffee, visits, and phone calls, instead of big group gatherings, to build some sweet friendships. 

Guilt usually tells me how blessed I am so “Buck up, Buttercup. You’re fine!” Instead, I hear God telling me it’s OK not to be OK. I feel his presence and tenderness. I feel him pulling me into his embrace and telling me, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10).

So, how is my soul today? Better - not perfect - but better. So, how is your soul today? 

For more comfort read Psalm 121.