Fear - NOT a Good Soul Mate

Fear and I are good soul mates. Unfortunately, he’s a terrible soul mate to have.

Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of being laughed at, fear of not being good enough, fear of not being safe, fear of fear. I know, fear of fear - how can I have that? I don’t know, but I do.

I project confidence, and I am extremely capable; but those fears are always nagging at me; but even with the fear, I go ahead and do something that might cause fear. As a matter of fact, because I’m afraid, I usually forge right ahead and do it anyway (that’s counterphobic in case you need the psychological term), but I usually pause before forging ahead.

Even though I may forge ahead, I can be beyond cautious, which can be both good and bad. Good if it keeps me and others safe. Bad if it prevents me from doing something I want or need to do.

This weekend I got the privilege to spend time on a mission trip with the middle schoolers from church. We were given the task of splitting wood with a wood splitter. Every safety bell and whistle went off in my head. That does not sound safe! That does not sound safe!

The gentlemen showed us how the wood splitter worked. Once I realized that there were no moving blades, I began to calm down. Still, we were talking about a bunch of middle schoolers, who wouldn’t necessarily pay attention, so I was on edge. I organized students to make sure the ones I trusted to be safe and pay attention were split up among the stations. As the students began to work and as I began to split wood myself, my fears eased. My continuous prayers helped too!

I was still overly cautious, keeping an eye on everyone and what they were doing; but as I watched the students that were “in charge” of the various stations, my fears subsided. I realized we were safe, and those responsible students were making sure things were as safe as if I was standing there.

That night when we debriefed for the day, I told the students that were responsible how much I appreciated them and how safe I felt with them at the stations. I told them it was as good as if I was standing there.

I saw the pride in those students. They seemed to sit up straighter and their countenance even changed. Once they realized how much faith I had in them and how much I trusted them, I could see that it built their confidence and self-esteem. Who knows what else was confirmed or born in them, but I hope they saw how important they were and how their unique gifts and talents were needed.

I know safety is important - especially when I’m in charge of other people’s children, but learning and growing are not always safe. It’s learning when to listen to the bells and whistles going off in my head and when to forge ahead. I’m so thankful that I forged ahead.