Forgiveness is Good for the Soul (Part 2)

Last week I began the topic of forgiveness. Ultimately, harboring anger takes more energy and is more difficult than offering forgiveness, but there are many situations that are really difficult to forgive.

Situations Hard to Forgive

First, I am not an expert on abuse. Those are hard issues that you should speak to a professional about, but I know what it’s like to have an alcoholic father, and I know what it’s like to forgive him.

I was fortunate to have a blissful childhood. It was one that could be made into a novel or a movie. It was idyllic. When I think of my childhood, I don’t think about my dad as an alcoholic because he didn’t become an alcoholic until I was in my later teen years. I moved out of my parent’s house when I was twenty so I didn’t have to live in the situation for long.

My dad’s worst trait when he was drunk was to say hurtful things. I guess that can be considered emotional abuse, but I would be hard-pressed to call anything he said “abuse”, just hurtful.

When my dad died, I didn’t cry. He had been sick for a while and continued to drink so I honestly thought it was a blessing. It was years after he died when I dealt with my grief; and when I did, the timing was awful.

I had to get an MRI on my brain. While I was lying in that long, enclosed tube with pinging noises, feeling each part of my brain being imaged was when it hit me. I thought of my dad and how claustrophobic he was, and the grief overwhelmed me. Tears, sobs, everything - it was not good in the middle of an MRI.

Understanding

Amazingly, somehow I pulled it together, but the minute I got out I went straight to the cemetery. I cried, talked to my dad, and forgave him.

Over the years I had come to understand why he became an alcoholic. He owned his own business, which was very stressful. He internalized all of his anxiety and depression, which led to intestinal issues, which led to a drink to calm his stomach which led to two drinks which led to many drinks.

We always say I’m the sober version of my dad. As I began to understand my own anxiety, I began to see how easy it would be to drink it away.

Forgiveness = No Emotion About It Not No Memory Of It

I know I have forgiven my dad because even though I haven’t forgotten that he was an alcoholic; when I think about it, there is no emotion attached to it. I’m not angry, hurt, or sad. I can easily move on.

There are still other situations that are hard to forgive, which I’ll discuss next week, but the key to forgiveness for me is understanding. If I can understand the person, the situation, the reasons, the why or how, I can forgive.