Wait and Hope

I have a confession to make; Christmas is not my favorite time of year. I know I’ve just divided everyone. To some of you, that’s blasphemous, and I’ve been called Scrooge and Grinch many times. Others are letting out a silent cry of joy because you know someone else in the world feels like you do. It’s no secret that I’ve suffered from anxiety. When you add all the extra trimmings and trappings of Christmas to an already anxious soul, it does not make for a merry time.

Over the years my Christmas routine has changed and morphed to something manageable, which I will share at another time, but this Christmas is much different for everyone. Though I don’t like the reason this Christmas is different, and I hurt for those that are suffering, the necessity of a scaled-back Christmas has given me the opportunity to truly celebrate the season.

This week is the first week in Advent. In the past I paid attention to the lighting of the Advent Wreath in church and the readings in the moment that it happened but forgot them once I walked away. This year it has taken on a deeper meaning.

The first candle of Advent is the Hope candle. Hope, oh how we need hope this season and this year. Over the last week, I have begun to live into that hope. In one of the readings, this is what it said about the Hope candle:

"We light this first candle as a sign of our hope. Hope that you can meet us, even in the mess of our world. Hope that you still see us, though we feel we are lost in the rubble. Let this light be the guide that brings us to Emmanuel once more." (https://www.umcdiscipleship.org/articles/advent-candle-lighting-liturgy-2020)

Words like mess, lost, and rubble describe this year to me, BUT then there’s hope, “Let this light be the guide that brings us to Emmanuel once more.” Yes, pointing us to Christ, to Light, and to Hope. Those words have infused themselves into my soul, and I feel hope welling up inside of me like a spring blossom after a long winter.

To go along with hope is waiting. This has been a season of waiting for me in life so it seems appropriate to take time during Advent to reflect on waiting. Recently, a quote from Henri Nouwen’s book Discernment has resonated with me, “Active waiting is being open to the promise yet to be fulfilled. Patient waiting is staying fully in the present moment. Expectant waiting is trusting that this long process will bear fruit.”

I see that quote evident in my life, in this season of Advent, and in this unique time we live. The process of active waiting and expectant waiting both have the idea of hope. As we’re waiting for promises to be fulfilled or trusting that the process will bear fruit, we have hope those things will happen. Patient waiting is living in the present moment, which is so difficult when we are hoping and waiting for something to come.

This season as I hope in the coming of our Savior, hope in the subduing of this virus, hope that life will get back to some semblance of normal, and hope that people will stop suffering because of Covid and all the other disasters that have happened, I wait patiently knowing that moments that are happening are still significant so I need to be present and pay attention. I’m actively waiting, knowing that there are promises to be fulfilled both on Christmas morning and beyond. I’m expectant, knowing that the process that leads me to Christmas morning will bear fruit in my soul, and the process that leads us out of Covid will also bear fruit even amidst the suffering.

My typical reaction is to want the waiting to be over because I HOPE that something else better is coming along. I invite you to join me in this scaled-down Christmas season and sit patiently in the waiting and reflect on what hope means to you. I encourage you to light that first candle of Advent and let it be the guide that brings Emmanuel once more.