Forgiveness is Good for the Soul (Part 3)

I’ve been discussing forgiveness for the last few weeks, and I’m AMAZED how God has given me so many opportunities to practice what I preach. Isn’t that how it works? Once God shows me an area of weakness, I get ample opportunity to practice the lesson God is trying to teach me. Thanks, God.

Understanding in Family Relationships

Sometimes in family relationships, it might not be forgiveness that’s needed, it might be understanding.

Sometimes a relationship with a family member has always been rocky. I might not have much in common with the person or maybe something happened from the very beginning to start the relationship off wrong or maybe over time we grew further and further apart.

With family it’s really tricky because you can’t pick your family, and you usually have to see them at certain times. Whatever the reason, when we’re forced to be in a relationship with someone, that can be difficult.

I’ve realized that sometimes the misunderstanding comes because of a difference in values. Even though we’re family, we have different values. I can’t look at my family member through the lens of my values. Just because a family member doesn’t raise her children the way I do, or spend money the way I do or value work the way I do or do the million other things the way I do - doesn’t make her wrong (Hmmm. I think that applies to non-family too!) If I start judging people based on my values, that’s exactly what I’m doing, judging, and I have no right to judge.

Sometimes it might be that I can’t let go of the way the family member once was for the way he or she is now. It’s amazing how the past completely jades how I see the person in the present. People change, and I have to be willing to see that change.

If I can understand the person’s values, situation, background, life story or see how he or she has changed, it helps me become more understanding and offer forgiveness if needed.

Love Is The Ultimate Answer

As I’ve gone through many scenarios that are ripe for forgiveness, understanding has been at the core of them. I’d like to take it a step further and say that ultimately, it’s love that’s the answer. If I can take understanding one step further and love then forgiveness is simple.

That sounds really simple - just love people. It’s not, but I am not expected to do it on my own. From the moment I became a Christian, I became a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17). As a new creation, God is transforming the way I think (Romans 12:2); and this transformation includes becoming more loving.

The ultimate passage about love is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends."

I’ve heard to make this passage personal, replace “love” with your name to see how well you do. Deedee is patient and kind; Deedee does not envy or boast; she is not arrogant or rude or insist on her own way. Oh, man, that hurts because I fall short most of the time.

If I was patient, kind, didn’t demand my own way, not irritable or resentful, I probably wouldn’t get angry and have to forgive or be forgiven. Again, I’m not expected to do it on my own, I’m being transformed into a new creation by the power of the Holy Spirit - one that is more Christlike, more understanding, more loving, and more forgiving. Through this transformation, I can be patient, kind, not demanding, irritable or resentful, which is the picture of love.

As I’m being transformed, I catch myself singing along with the Beatles to help remind me that love is the answer, “All you need is love, love. Love is all you need. Love is all you need.”